still a boy

I am 21 years old.

I know that i am supposed to be strong and stable, have a thick skin and have the charisma to lead people and have them depend on me. I should be like Edwards and Spurgeon, great men of God by the time they were in their early teens. You know I wish I were.

But I am frail, easily broken, and often laid low. If you push me to hard you will crush me and if I get too nervous I will show it. On top of that I am not humble, I am prideful and I turn my attention to myself before I turn it to others. I am susceptible to flattery and losing self-control. I turn difficult situations into chaos and make comfortable situations awkward and that’s only the tip of the iceberg. I am a bad friend, a bad brother and a negligent son. I am a failure when it comes to loving others and a shameful success at loving myself. And you know… It gets worse if I get angry.

so I stand in awe of men like John Piper, who have proven themselves not day after day but moment after moment to be truly men of God.
(don’t start with me, you know I give credit to the Lord Almighty who gives grace to men such as Piper so that they can be so mature in Christ. Boy I hate giving theology disclaimers.)

Our Firm Foundation

when all else fails, there is One unfailing.

These past few years, I’ve had alot of dreams crushed. I wanted to come into college, start dating the girl of my dreams, get good grades in school, learn to study the Scriptures and deliver the truth in them to others, graduate early, learn all the programs and software, and slide immediately into work, get married, have kids maybe, go to seminary, and missions or pastoral work.

Well, the Lord crushed my dreams of dating, showed me how hard it is and how lame and sinful and did I mention self-serving I am, and broke me up twice after closing the door once before we even got together the first time. He turned my grade situation upside down, humbled me about how poorly I understand the word and how limited my reach of Scripture, opened my eyes to see how inadequate and unskilled I am at teaching, slowed down my quarterly schedule, taught me that my gift is not my intellect and programming is not my thing, let me catch a glimpse of the competition and sheer difficulty of getting a good stable job, completely wiped out any hopes of getting married early let alone have kids, and put my dreams of seminary and pastoral ministry on hold indefinitely.

Now I’m thinking about grad school and possibly leaving behind my church, my friends, and my family for the East coast.

God is my rock. When every dream fails and every hope fall apart, the Lord continues to show Himself faithful and strong. If it were not for the stability of the Sovereign, I would be lost.

Praise God that He has made Himself our Firm foundation!

:)

home

There is power in having a home. I realized in some random prayer that upon this earth it is the most constant thing we have. We are able to travel to the farthest corners of the earth and rest in the fact that when things get tough we can always run home. No matter where we are or where we plan to go, our home will always be waiting for us, it will always be there for us when we need it. Having a home makes you brave. Knowing that Mom and Dad and Jon are there for you if by chance nothing works out and your life falls apart is a great comfort and a great motivation for you to take risks.

Thinking about grad school has turned my heart towards my home. And more specifically towards my home in God. Wherever my feet take me, I know I can always run home. And God is unchanging. Unlike our earthly homes which move, change and even dissapear, our heavenly home and our heavenly Father will forever remain the same. And we will always be able to find Him. He is only but a knees-breadth away.

Hello.

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