Beland? Crying? -_-

I thought I’d take the liberty to post Beland’s super-long comment, it is after all more than a comment, it’s a post.

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“a simple response to ur post about weeping during worship: in the beginning (as in Freshmen year), the tears were probably an expression of sorrow for my sin in the light of God’s holiness described in the songs. Whether or not that sorrow became actual repentance in my life is the main theme of a book called, “Beland’s Sanctification.” or “Beland Kampf.” I sometimes wondered if Isaiah wept like crazy when he saw God in Is. 6, whether or not there was any heavenly music playing. maybe the music, the emotions, the surroundings, the people intensified or perhaps even exaggerated my response, but i’m certain that if it were up to myself flesh, I would not be convicted of my sin, let alone weep because of my understanding of the eternal consequences of sin against the Holy God that I love.

But over the next few years, I think reasons for weeping changed as my understanding of the gospel matured. Largely because of your influence, we prayed, we read from Scripture, we read from theological works, we talked, we dreamed, we joked, we even put up a banquet with the theme of future glory and the believer’s hope in Christ’s return. I still wept because of sorrow and guilt over sin, but increasingly, the tears were of joy derived from a greater understanding of grace and greater treasuring of our eternal inheritance. Among many others, “the Prize of My Life” became a worship song that very fittingly expressed the transformation of attitude that God wrought in me since our very first GOC worship set:

“There is none who compares with You
on the earth or the skies above
Lord, I long to be near to You
You’re my greatest Joy
My highest Love

You are my glorious Prize, Father
You are the passion that fills my life
My treasure of treasures
A wealth without measure to me
and You’ll ALWAYS BE the Prize of my life.”

I don’t weep as much during songs now, probably because of a mix of complacency and maturity (not that tears are genuine expressions of anything). But to this day, my heart is especially moved when I sing songs with eschatological notions, and the initial response in my mind and heart is usually followed by a louder voice, raising of hands, sometimes tears, and speaking in tongues. Ok, not the last one.

I could never see if you were tearing up while playing guitar on stage, but I remember during last year’s banquet, when we tried to select songs that point to future glory, it was hard to concentrate on playing while trying stop myself from throwing the guitar away and lift my hands at certain parts of the song. Maybe we’re Charismatics. Anyway, I miss singing next to you and steve at GOC/Crossroads and group hugs after future glory prayer meetings. Take care over there and keep reminding everyone around the imminence of Christ’s return.

“in the future there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day; and not only to me, but also to all who have loved His appearing.” 2 Timothy 4:8

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