“Do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” Neh 8:10
Ever say stuff that you feel like you need to qualify? Sometimes our calvinistic tendencies cause us to go back on what we said and restate it another time with a more calvinistic bent. For example “When you choose God by faith, or rather… when He chooses you through bestowing faith.” Well Paul does it too! This is Galatians 4:9:
“But now that you have come to know God, or rather to be known by God, “
with the coming of winter, I have begun my ritual of drinking peppermint tea. This time I have a new gadget. Check this out, it’s sweet and ooOOOoooh it’s round!
I’m feeling a lot better these days. I still wake up in cold sweats but other than that, life has returned to normal.
I extended my visa the other day that will expire in January. Weird to be thinking I’ll still be here in so long. I also paid my water bill…at seven-eleven.
I’m happy. I get to go to church today.
My parent’s are coming in about a month, and my friend CT from highschool is coming to visit in a week and a half. He’s a harvard grad who only wears plaid and eats turkey and speaks in a british accent, okay none of that is true, but he is smart.
Ah, the mercy that is life.
oh, and for those of you who read this blog for the theology, I’m getting on it. I just need a little time to get the bolts back in the old noggin.
But I’m happy again 
I made my roommate translate an email his youth pastor sent me which included a little bit about my roomate not going to church anymore. Being quite shocked at the news, afterwards I told him to go to church and made him promise to go on Sunday mehghehghggergl.
I had the fleeting question dash through my mind today:
“Is it wrong to miss small group more than you miss dating?”
hrm…
men of greatness do not come from lines of great descent
nor are they alway born with greater qualities in them.
And greatness is not measured by one’s intellect or strength
nor does popularity or influence or reign
but kindness and humility and gentleness and truth
and honesty when smiles are giv’n, true tenderness will prove
the man who has the strength to care with gentleness is great
who stands unmoved by winds of scorn and crowds who mock and hate.
the man who cradles hearts and speaks the truth with gracious voice
is greater than the man who starts a war by reckless choice.
the man who puts his child to sleep and prays beside his bed,
is greater than the richest man whose children he forgets,
men of greatness are not always seen for who they are
kindness often is mistaken for the weak of heart
but greater strength has no man than the one who lives by grace
and gives it openly with tenderness and kindly face.
I think there is a need today for greatness in our men
so many are so angry and so few dare to offend
But where are all those men of grace whose lives speak of the King
who did not care for dignity but took our shame to bring
the truest life, the greatest good, the purest prize of all
But I am foolish, angry, reckless, in all of these I fall.
So help me God to not lose heart, and not give in to lies
that serving me is greater far than any sacrifice.
I admit I’m not a man of greatness, this I know
it is my shame to say but I am not beyond the hope
that someday when the storm returns my hand will stay the course
and all the churning of my heart will not take me by force
but impulse will be held by truth and anger held by love
To know that Jesus died for me is yet again enough.
So I finally got up the strength to go the doctors. I took a 10 minute cab to this place called Shu Tian Clinic. Long story short. It was lame. I waited for 2 hours and they prescribed me useless drugs. I was hoping for antibiotics, but they just gave me drugs to keep me from going. Essentially artificial C-stop. Did not fix the problem at all.
So I spent another night of crazy stomach aches and occasional trips to the bathroom along with an episode of roach killing. I guess it was attracted to the dirtiness I had accumulated over the past three days.
One of my distant aunts (removed a bunch of times) came over today to make me some porridge. It was very nice. I haven’t spoken face to face with someone in three days, so it was nice to have some company. My mom is pretty worried about me, and I feel really sorry for her. I think she feels helpless being so far away from me. Both my aunt and Amos told me this will probably last a week. That’s tough news. I hope I can catch up in school.
I also hope the roaches don’t come back.
…I can’t believe they didn’t prescribe me anti biotics, what the crazy!?
and why in the world is my neck so stiff and painful?
Everytime I have a fever i get senseless. Really Really senseless. When I was suffering form food poisoning in Japan, I kept thinking that my bed sheets composed a battleship and my brother who was sleeping next to me kept firing canon balls at me. The thing is, I was super convinced of the legitimacy of this concern.
This time, I kept on thinking that the position of my sleep was a building, and I was an architect that had to find the ultimate position. If I didn’t I would never be able to sleep. I was also convinced of the legitimacy of this concern.
My final thought before knocking out was this . All this architectural building is so postmodern and relative. I fell asleep to the thought of a Sermon with multiple points about being the Biblical man.
what a crazy night.
my fish died today. I am very sad. This poem is a tribute to him:
-
To Sharky,
You were a friend, you didn’t know
I didn’t think that you would go,
so quickly from this world of light
into the bleak and bitter night.
Life ends far sooner than we know
and you have taught me that the glow
of health one minute soon can fade
and lively breathing soon can change
to chokes and painful gasps for breath
which soon gives way to final death.
I watched you as you tried to live
and wished that I knew how to give
you health again and happiness
but I was weak and powerless.
The Only God is God alone
Apart from Him who can bestow
new life and hope and righteousness
the way, the life, the truth, the best.
Dear sharky, you were just a fish
but even simple beings exist
to open doors to understand
the Name of God, the Great I AM.
So though you may have never known
how I am grateful to have owned
a fish like you, who lived and died,
and taught that just as God decides
when sparrows fall in distant lands
all death is fully in His hands.
He is the cause of all our grief
we should not hide from Whole Belief.
May God receive the glory now
and even dying fishes bow.
I made the promise “I will kill you,” yesterday.
I kept true to my word. I killed that maverick mosquito today.
I cornered it into my bathroom, locked the door, put on my contacts and smacked it around some until smashing it flat on my wall leaving a long smear of blood…my blood.
That’s right fool, you tried to stock pile your riches but this day I required your life from you!
