some potential last words

I’m not planning on dying any time soon but I was just meditating on the verse “life is a vapor,” and decided, if that’s the case I might as well get started on writing my last words, just in case you know…yeah.  Well here we go:

<insert tragic death>

I believe in Heaven, so I will be using the word “am.”

I am not remarkable.  I am not a genius.  I am not even particularly charming.  In fact, I am painfully awkward.  The only things that are great about me are my mistakes and my sins. The effect of my life will not make it into any history books and there will most likely not be a biography written about me.  But that’s quite alright.  If I finished this life with faith, love, and expectation, as a genuine believer and a preacher of the Gospel as well as a display of God’s truth I will have finished the race as I would have liked.

The death of most people is a time of loss and mourning.  But I hope my death is a time of celebration.  If you are still feeling the effects of sorrow and grief may the dirge now be dispelled.  Because for me, to die is gain.

Now, my greatest hope is that if I have already passed away and you are hearing these words, I will be in the presence of God laughing, dancing, engaging in whatever expressions of joy that are appropriate for the place, and you my dear friends, will be considering your own life as a vapor in the wind.  So what now for you?  (Wow, I’m dead already and I can still talk to you, that’s awesome.)

The Truth of God speaks with each passing moment.  “Sinner, be saved by the substitutionary atonement of Jesus Christ.”

and if you have already believed, know that the “fullness of joy” awaits.

Well, nobody likes longwinded speeches.  I’ll end it there where it counts.  Consider well and may we all meet again in the courts of praise.

<end>

okay, so this entry was not prompted at all by thoughts of suicide or premeditated death.  So if I suddenly go missing or something weird happens, I didnt’ do it! it was murderous intent! go find that son of a gun and bring him to justice!  phew.

first poem in a while

“September Leaves”

my dear september, alive with light and wrapped in leafy mantel,
windswept, standing in a patch of graceful sun, with tender care, you unfurl.
and finite here, the breath of mortal circuits, speaks to none of distant grief.
my dear september, we walk together
the crisp sigh that follows every lingering step, both awe and silence follow,
and whistling like a grieving ghoul, the harmony of winter’s yawn.
my dear september, the tune which plays beside me,
fiery eyes grow dim, and a distant frost floats in the ivory heights, testing.
I find a place to rest. We sit and watch the light grow dim. You rise.
Your golden spine flickers with each breath and then breaks. Slowly at first and while I find my focus, without exposition, scatters. You refuse to wait.

forgotten faces speak in silence, and a forgotten sun sets over a hazy summit. I leave.
the last days of so much life declare that I am immortal.

Dude, it’s not even September yet.

starting this week

I’ll be searching for work, mainly in the LA area.  pray for me if you’ve got the time.

Scriptures and Self-Esteem

I was randomly reading this article on DGG and came across this paragraph.  It is excellent.

“Very often our misunderstanding of Christ’s word is due not to innocent intellectual slips or lack of information but rather springs from a deep unwillingness to submit to the demands of God. In other words, a disposition of the heart which desires to determine its own affairs, to maintain its own pride, and secure esteem and glory from men, will inevitably twist the words of Jesus to support its own self-esteem. The evil of the human heart regularly precedes and gives rise to many of our apparently intellectual misunderstandings and abuses of Scripture.”

When we read the Scriptures, we often eisegete.  That’s a sad but common error.  However that in itself is not the greatest issue. The inherent disposition of our hearts to twist the Scriptures to our own sinful benefit is the main problem. So then the correct attitude when approaching the Scriptures is the loosening of one’s own grip from control, pride, esteem, and glory. If the study of God’s word is the receiving of divine truth, we will receive nothing if all we have before us are clenched fists and personal opinions.

new school quarter

new teacher. new classmates. new time.

teacher rocks, classmates include my current pastor, time is 8:00.

waking up at 6:40 everyday really opens the day up.