Church.

I’ve been attending this church in Redwood City called Redeeming Grace for the past few months.  It is pastored by ex-ex-crossroads shepherd Rick Carbannneau.  So far, I’m liking it.  Despite the fact that Rick is an ex-ex Crossroader, the church atmosphere is nothing like what I’m used to.  It is very community based, and the social dynamic is extremely broad.  For those who are looking for TMS in a box, you won’t find it here.  The doctrinally driven will unavoidably be a bit sub-impressed.  However, after a few months, you’ll begin to understand why.  RGC’s mission is not to equip and educate the layperson so much as push them forward into community-driven outreach.  Despite the fact that you may not feel challenged theologically, you will feel challenged socially.  There is no sitting in dark rooms pondering theological quandaries here.  Which I suppose is good for the cerebral type of person.  My only real hesitation is in full embracing their “Missional” label.  I think it could be better called “The Christian Responbility of Evangelism,” instead of mixing it up with the office of missionary, which involves crossing language/cultural barriers to plant the gospel seed in the midst of unreached ethno-lingustic people groups.  And also, I do still desire for there to be a clear teaching of the place of the Church in relation to Israel and the promises of the OT, rather than expositional shortcuts  to Church application.

Anyways.

I’ve recently begun to entertain the thought of serving in youth ministry at RGC.  I think, all the great experiences I had in college are finally itching to see the light of day again.  And I guess I’ve always wanted to help set kids straight too. those rascals.

When life is gritty, forgiveness is hard to receive

A few hours ago, I finished watching Darren Aronofsky’s film,”The Wrestler”.  The script is about an old independent circuit wrestler dealing with the fallout of his career due to old age and a heart attack.  When facing the reality of a less than fulfilling retirement, living  alone in a broken down mobile home, miles away from an estranged daughter, Randy (the wrestler) finds himself searching for what it’s all added up to, and the depressing result is, not much.  The movie is full of dark and gritty scenes from stripper bars to up close shots of  masochistic wrestling matches.  And at the end of the film, Randy is once again in the ring.  Having been rejected by the world and feeling as though he has failed at his last chance to make things right with his daughter he declares that his only family are the people who scream his name in the stands and applaud him from outside the ring.

I left the movie an emotional wreck.  And my one thought was, it must be hard to feel like you can be forgiven when your life is all grit.

When we go to church, things are clean there, the pastor, his wife and kids, you see how they look like the model family, people dressed in suits and ties siting in their pews, these straight and orderly rows of padded benches, and everybody sing hymns in weird old English.  And there behind the pulpit the Pastor is saying that for all you sinners, you can be forgiven.  And I can just imagine this Randy the wrestler saying. “How could you possibly forgive me? How could I possibly FEEL forgiven after all this? And just thinking back, for all the weeks and months and years of having sex with girls in dirty club bathrooms and snorting blow at parties where I got drunk our of my mind until I puked, and missing all those appointments I made with my daughter to show her that I could change, and for all of it, all of those images that got burned into my mind because I just can’t forget what I’ve done, and how much of it stays with me…”

And all I can say is, Gosh, I take forgiveness so lightly.  I just pop it into my mouth like candy and smile real big and think it’s all okay.  But you know what? it’s not ok.  That’s not forgiveness, that’s …well, nothing.  It’s empty religious movement.

The reason why forgiveness is so hard for people like Randy, is because they feel the weight of their sin.  Because they feel like they are more horrible than anyone could possibly handle.  They feel like they can’t ever be clean again.

But you know what? That’s where I should be. That’s where Christians should all be.  Before we can ever reach out our hands for the forgiveness of the Cross, we need to know why we’re reaching for it.  And we ought to to FEEL why we’re reaching for it.  Because of all the grit and messed up living we’ve done, we are the one’s who should be abandoned, we are the one’s who should die alone, failures, we are the one’s who don’t deserve a second chance, and the last thing we should be expecting is forgiveness.

And that is when the message of the Gospel rises out of the little box we make for it, and becomes the power and the glory of God.  It happens the moment we understand Grace.

And Grace shines brightest, when we are the most helpless.

Yeah it’s got to be hard to receive forgiveness when your life is all grit.  But I bet, that if you end up taking it, that forgiveness is going to be real.

Tumblr

So i’ve decided to start yet another blog for post-College life. This one therefore will now forever be categorized as my College Blog. And my xanga will forever be called my Pre-College blog. wawaweewa!

taiwan memories

echo echo echo

Sorry for the hiatus folks, for the few of you who have remained to check on this site, I will be posting again shortly.  Recently I have been swamped with random responsibilities and simply have not had the time to write all the things that have been on my mind.  But believe you me, it’s coming.

I’m glad to be back under the sunny skies of Cali.  Hopefully we’ll be seeing each other soon.

Maranatha.

..and

back.

I’m halfway back.

That means I’m back from vietnam. but not back to the states.

I listend to phil wickham’s “Your beautiful” today

It reignited an old flame.  I got the shivers.

Maranatha, maranatha, and again I say maranatha!

voice prejudice

I’ve realized that it doesn’t matter how good your voice is. As long as you know it’s yours, you don’t like it. Last night I was listening to some random song for a brief moment, and for a split second I thought it was me singing. I didn’t like it, sounded lame. Turns out it was jason mraz. The moment that realization occurred, I liked it. Weird

There’s a different rule, albeit related, considering the knowledge of whether or not the voice belongs to an Asian or not. For some reason, knowing it’s an Asian singing kills the quality. For example I used to think Amos Lee was asian (wouldn’t you?) I listened to a couple songs and didn’t like it, “Asian-voice,” I thought, “lame”. But then I looked him up, and turns out he’s black. Suddenly I think his voice is great.

Now I’m thinking, “what’s wrong with my brain?” ugh.

lesson learned

“A life perfect ain’t perfect if you don’t know what the struggle’s for,

Falling down ain’t falling down if you don’t cry when you hit the floor,

It’s called the past cause I’m getting past and I ain’t nothing like I was before,

you oughta see me now…

Yes I was burned, but I call it a lesson learned.”

DGM assesses Relativism

“The claim that there is no one standard for truth and falsehood that is valid for everyone is rooted most deeply in the desire of the fallen human mind to be free from all authority and to enjoy the exaltation of self. This is where relativism comes from. Relativism is not a coherent philosophical system. It is riddled with contradictions—both logical and experiential. Sophomores in college know that something is fishy when someone claims the statement to be true that all truths are relative. And every businessman knows that philosophical relativists park their relativism at the door when they go into the bank and read the language of the contract they are about to sign. People don’t embrace relativism because it is philosophically satisfying. They embrace it because it is physically and emotionally gratifying. It provides the cover that they need to do what they want.” – DGM